


Joker/Reader: Before I go

by Magpies_and_candywrappers



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: F/M, Oneshot, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Self Harm, Self Harm Scars, Suicidal Thoughts, but i cant describe it for the life of me, i know what greasepaint smells like, people be tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21590740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magpies_and_candywrappers/pseuds/Magpies_and_candywrappers
Summary: "The only reason you realized he was there was that your neck started to tingle. You were so tired you felt high, shoulders slumped and swaying. Slowly you looked up at him where he was in the threshold of the bathroom. For one moment, you both stared at each other, his blazing emerald eyes boring into you."
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	Joker/Reader: Before I go

**Author's Note:**

> OOF im sleepy.

It was quiet in the apartment, the radio and tv off. They had been off for some time now. You sat on the edge of the tub even though it hurt your ass and stared down at the water. You hung your head and focused on the warm water lapping at your ankles. Maybe you should turn on the television or something, anything to make noise but you knew it was temporary. Sometimes you couldn’t help but feel like that little kid all over again, sweating and silently crying in the corner. Or a closet. You’d managed to cram yourself into the clothes hamper once. Try to be as quiet as possible because if you were heard, it would make things worse. Steam swirled up in your face as you swayed ever so slightly. Sleep had continued to elude you as had crying. Now your eyes burned and you were a breath away from tumbling over into the tub.

The only reason you realized he was there was that your neck started to tingle. You were so tired you felt high, shoulders slumped and swaying. Slowly you looked up at him where he was in the threshold of the bathroom. For one moment, you both stared at each other, his blazing emerald eyes boring into you. His signature clown makeup was fading and smudged but he wasn’t bloody, or overtly disheveled. He quietly walked over and sat on the corner of the tub against the wall. Hmm. Maybe you should have sat there.

“What’s bothering you?” He asked in his deceptively gentle voice. He could be gentle when he really wanted to. He was with you, wasn’t he? Any other night, you would have told Joker you were alright, merely tired. It would be okay to tell him...wouldn’t it? You could tell Joker of all people. 

“Sometimes...sometimes when it’s quiet, I hear things I don’t want to,” You whispered, bent over and ran your hand through the warm water. You liked the gentle noise it made. Bathrooms got hot very quickly when you were hiding in them. You had told someone once what you’d gone through. They’re your parents you shouldn’t say that. I’ll say what I goddamn, please. He was just trying to discipline you. Funny. Ugly words. Evil words that sank into your skin, scared people could see it.

“I feel...that when you look at me, you can see it. ,” You whispered. You looked down and touched the scar on the inside of your knee. it was the most prominent one.

“ And I was a quiet student in school. I had good grades. So nobody noticed,” You mumbled. “I made it easy for people to look past me.”

He stood and offered you his hand. You took it and carefully stepped out of the bathtub. You swayed and fell forward into his chest. You could smell the thick, makeup-y scent of his greasepaint. 

“We never made easy to look past us. They didn’t want to see us,” Joker said as he lead you to the bedroom. You giggled at that thought. That sharp red corner of his mouth ticked up.

“What’s so funny?” he asked and you smiled wanly as he pulled back the covers for you. You fell back onto the bed and he hooked his hand under your knees and hefted your legs up. His hand was warm.

“Nothing much. My mind’s in the gutter,” You mumbled. You bounced as he threw himself onto the bed next to you. Back to being serious. 

“You can go to sleep if you want,” Joker offered and you weakly shook your head.

“I’m tired...but I can’t sleep.” He made a small noise of agreement.

“You said you hear things,” he prompted. You licked your papery lips and stared at the ceiling

“I can hear him yelling. Every little thing he told me. That I’m...stupid. That I don’t care about him. He got that right at least,” you said bitterly. He took your chin between his fingers and tilted your head towards him. His cheekbones looked sharp enough to cut and combined with his piercing eyes he looked... _beautiful_. Did Joker even realize how beautiful he was?

“He’s dead darling. You aren’t,” he told you. It was his ultimate measure, of course. The person who had hurt you was dead and if they weren’t there was no doubt Joker would have taken care of it. There tended to be funerals when he got pissed.

“Arthur, can I tell you something?” you asked meekly. Joker stiffened when you said his name, he always reacted to it. He also knew you only said it when you were being dead serious.

“Yes.” 

you shifted onto your side so you were facing him and swallowed.

“I wrote a note. Before. But...I realized it would make you sad. I realized you would come home and I’d be gone. I didn’t want to do that,” You explained as your throat got tight and the tears finally spilled. Joker was taut as a bowstring, eyes glossy and red. With a trembling arm, he reached out and pulled you close, and you closed your eyes in his chest. You caught wisps of cologne and greasepaint.

“Y/n,” he gasped your name. Joker’s arms tightened around you. You let him hold you. There was nothing else either of you could do.

"I-I'm sorry," you whimpered into his chest. You reached up and started to run your fingers through his messy green waves, tried to focus on his warmth. You had never seen him like this. This was Arthur. You stayed there with him and let him hold you. You stopped petting his hair, slipped your arm into his suit jacket and snaked it around his waist. The silky back of his vest was warm and you could feel the knobs of his spine.

"Don't leave me," he said at last in a low, watery voice. He didn't know how to say any other way. It was nice to feel his weight against you as you lay belly to belly.

"I won't," you whispered. You nuzzled your face into his neck. It was a promise.


End file.
